I have been interacting with many people since several years now. Many people shared their personal problem as well with me, with the belief of getting some emotional comfort and intellectual resolution. The problems have been many, but to an abstract level, the problems can be summarized as – Emotional Hurt and Stress. There may be many reasons for hurt. Most powerful of all or hurtful of all, which I encountered till now have been – heartbreak in relationships. Heartbreak because somebody left somebody else after a long deep relationship. Heartbreak because mistrust came in a relation which has been going fine since a long time. Somebody saying something very hurtful may also be a reason for emotional hurt and stress. Rejection is one of the most hurtful emotional experience. There can be many more reasons. Generally these emotional hurts and stresses, occur in interpersonal relationships. These issues in summary are the issues of relationships!
A lot of literature are generally available on understanding relationships, but they are generally not meant for immediate relief from the hurts and stresses. They give a general and sometimes even very deep understanding of life, emotions, relationships, which are definitely useful in long run. I myself have written many articles on relationships in past which can be found on this blog.
In this article, I primarily wish to focus on some hacks and techniques which I developed over a few years, which help in dealing with immediate emotional hurts and stresses. When a person is going through a lot of emotional hurt and stress, philosophy related to human nature, psychology, relationships and in general life, makes certain impact, but not much. A lot more is needed to the person to sustain and come out of this emotional turmoil and think objectively.
Following are some hacks and techniques I developed, which I have tested on myself and also on others, and they are giving good results! So next time, if you are going through some emotional hurt or stress, then consider following following hacks and techniques!
1. Try to distract yourself from all the thoughts, imaginations and imaginary situations which you imagine related to other person, with whom you are hurt. The more you imagine all those things, the more deeper and longer the hurt will go. Try to consciously distract yourself. The process of keep on thinking on the same set of events and disturbing oneself is called “Rumination”. This is one of unhealthiest and most common habits. To ruminate means to chew over. Studies tell us that even a two-minute distraction is sufficient to break the urge to ruminate in that moment. Ruminating about upsetting events in this way can easily become a habit, and it’s a very costly one. Because by spending so much time focused on upsetting and negative thoughts, you are actually putting yourself at significant risk for developing clinical depression, alcoholism, eating disorders, and even cardiovascular disease. The problem is the urge to ruminate can feel really strong and really important, so it’s a difficult habit to stop. Each time you have a worrying, upsetting, negative thought, force yourself to concentrate on something else until the urge passed. And within one week, your whole outlook will change and you will become more positive and more hopeful.
Listen to some soothing instrumental music. I emphasis on instrumental music because music with words doesn’t have that therapeutic effect. Classical instrumental music is better. Sound Therapy works best here. I have mentioned links to a lot of sound therapy audios in Meditations section below with “Resource #4”. Just listen to them, they will calm your mind. Watch some good movies, which you like. Read some interesting literature which you are interested in. The talk by Guy Winch on “Why we all need to practice the emotional first aid?” is a very good resource to understand and handle this issue. This is mentioned as “Resource #1” in the resources section.
2. Find out a good friend or some friends, who can listen to you without any judgements, without any hurry and who can empathize with you. Empathy has amazing healing power. To read more about empathy follow my article “The Power of Empathy”, as “Resource #2” in the resources section.
3. Do some random acts of kindness. Be good with people. Help people. Do these things specially when you are distressed. Do anything which helps you receive good gestures and kindness of people. The more kind you try to be with people, the more kindness you will receive and that will make you feel good and increase your self confidence.
In case, you are not able to generate the feeling of kindness within you, then FAKE the kindness in behavior. Fake it, and when you start seeing some good results with people, you will like it and then it will start becoming natural. Fake it, till you make it.
4. Try to empathize with somebody who is going through the similar conditions as yours. Try to counsel him/her. When you counsel him/her, you will be reminded of all the things which you yourself should be doing! Generally we know the right things but we forget them. We need a constant reminder ourselves. This activity will keep reminding you the things which you yourself should keep in mind. This will also give you assurance that you are not alone, and the issues which you are facing are not unique to you, they are human issues. This will also increase your self confidence and hence help you getting better.
5. Auto-Suggestion. Try to make arrangements to auto-suggest yourself all the things which you should be doing and thinking. For example – If you wish to remind yourself of doing random acts of kindness, then you can make your passwords of all the online accounts to be something like “RandomKindness@123Something”. This will keep on reminding you multiple times of the day, of the activity which you should do. You can come up with some more creative ways to remind yourself of the things which you should be doing and they will help you in auto-suggestions.
6. Try some Meditation. Meditation relaxes the mind and fill our mind and body with the necessary energy to conquer the emotional hurt and stress. There are some very simple meditations, mentioned in the resources section in the end of this article which one can practice. A must-do meditation among all is Yoga Nidra. It is extremely easy and extremely effective. Yoga Nidra will help in getting good and sound sleep and relaxing the mind from all the emotional turmoil. It will also fill the entire system with sufficient energy. Check out some meditation techniques and Yoga Nidra resources in the “Meditations” section. One can also learn some good meditations from Spiritual Organizations like Art of Living, Isha Foundation, Vipassana, Pranic Healing and Arhatic Yoga and many more. Use Sound Therapy. I have mentioned links to a lot of sound therapy audios in Meditations section below with “Resource #4”. Just listen to them, they will calm your mind.
1. Yoga Nidra. I personally like this version of Yoga Nidra. I find it quite effective. There are many more available. One can use them too.
3. Several meditations and related videos can be found on my youtube channel at following link:
4. Sound Therapy. Listen to them. They will calm your mind. Many more are available in youtube.
And there are many many more one can find, if one starts exploring into this area.