Monthly Archives: May 2010

Relationship or Domination?


Most of our Relationships today are based on Domination and the worst part is, we are unaware of it!

Our intention or willingness is to live with Relationship but we try to fulfill that intention or willingness through Domination. In most of our relationships today, what we try to do is to dominate. In fact our relationships, acquaintances are based on domination. Those who let us dominate them we feel comfortable with them. Those who do not, we feel uncomfortable with them and want to dominate them somehow. Those who do not contradict us, do not speak against us, be polite with us, keep appreciating us, look up at us, feel good about us, have perception towards us the way we want, we feel comfortable with them. Those who contradict us, may even speak against us, may not appreciate us, may even look down at us, we feel uncomfortable with them and want to dominate them with the expectation that after this conditions will be favorable to us. We want to be looked up, we want to be appreciated, we want other person to feel good about us, we want a comfortable environment as per our preferences, we want others perceptions towards us as per our expectations, as per our preferences, as we see ourselves!

This kind of domination can be seen in all our relationships, be it, parent-children relationship, brother-sister relationship, friends, acquaintances or whatsoever. In fact domination in relationships is independent of the name of relationship. Even our caring, responsibilities, which we takeĀ  pride in doing are also filled in with the self interest and domination. Most of our interactions with other human beings can fall into this category of domination.

Interesting thing is, none of us like to be dominated but we all like to dominate. When we are being dominated then we feel bad and try to dominate the person who is trying to dominate us.

The question which arises is, why do we try to dominate? What is the basic motivation behind it?

We all evaluate ourselves. We evaluate ourselves on the basis “of something”, like our intellect, beauty, power, position, money etc. Mostly our evaluations are based on popular notions in the society. The way people have perceived us sometime or the other in our life, we start perceiving ourselves the same way and then expect others around us to perceive the same way we perceive ourselves. This is where the problem of domination germinates.

We evaluate ourselves “some way” and then expect people around us to evaluate us the same way. In fact we want those people around us who have the perception towards us the way we want, the way we like, the way we expect. Those who see ourselves the way we want we see them as relatives and those who do not we get a feeling of opposition for them and then we want to dominate them.

In most of the cases we are not even aware that such a phenomenon is happening inside us. We just keep living in reaction without understanding what is happening inside us.

So what is the way out of it?

If we see closely then it is the relative evaluation which is becoming the cause of all these problems. We evaluate ourselves relatively and expect others around us to evaluate the same way. We all have this need to have our right evaluation within ourselves. This need is ever actively present in us. We see that relative evaluation is becoming the cause of problems so there is a need to have absolute evaluation. Unless or until we have our certain and consistent evaluation of ourselves with us the problems which we saw above are not going to be resolved.

To have our absolute evaluation with ourselves we need knowledge. Knowledge is Knowledge of Self, Knowledge of Entire Existence and Knowledge of Natural Human Conduct.