Monthly Archives: June 2009

Interaction with Students on Infatuation – Joy of Understanding: Part 4

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For this session teachers in this school requested me to talk to students regarding Infatuation, attraction between boys and girls. This is a major problem in their school in higher sections. This session on infatuation was conducted for 10th class all sections A,B,C combined. There were around 40 girls and 50 boys. A few teachers were also there.

We started the discussion. I wrote down on the board, “Understanding Infatuation”. Not many of them knew this word “Infatuation”. 1-2 boys and 6-7 girls knew. I asked each one of them what do they understand by this word, probably they were shy to be frank so they said “it is liking for other person”.

I asked, is it used in a specific reference?

They were quite. Then I ultimately decided to be frank with them from my side.

I asked all the boys, “Do you feel attracted towards the girls?”

All of them started laughing. Boys were doing “Hawwwwww” by covering their mouths and girls were laughing.

Then I asked girls, “Do you feel attracted towards the boys?”

To my surprise I noticed, many of them frankly said “Yes”. I was remembering my time when I was in 10th. I used to be very shy and girls used to be more shy than boys. Now the scene was different. I do not generalize anything here, it is just an observation in this session.

I said, “Girls are being more honest. Boys, are you feeling shy in talking about it? Be frank”.

Then some of them said, “Yes, we feel the same.”

Fine. To make them comfortable with me I said, “I have been attracted towards many girls.”

They started laughing.

So, what do you get attracted at? Lets make a list of all those things which you notice in a girl or a boy and you get attracted at?

They said many things like,

Looks, Charm, Ada, Nature, Frankness, Style, Money, Wealth, Popularity of person, Way of thinking, Behavior, Care, Affection, Face, Features, Trust, Understanding, Feelings towards us etc.

OK, can we divide all these things towards which you get attracted in two categories, “Bodily Aspects” and “Nature of person/Feeling related aspects”?

Yes.

Lets categorize all the thing which you said in these two categories then.

We then categorized the complete list which we made into these two categories “Bodily aspects” and “Feeling related aspects/Nature of the person”.

In “Bodily Related” aspects there were just two things and that also very vague i.e. “Looks”, “Face”.

I asked, what do you look at in the body of other person?

Face.

Is that all? Do you notice color of skin?

Yes.

Height?

Yes

Build?

Yes.

Shape of body?

Yes.

And?

They started laughing.

What is the feeling inside when you notice that a particular boy or girl has bodily aspects as per your preferences or liking?

We feel good. It makes us feel good.

And what is your expectation from that person?

We want to talk to him/her.

Is that all? To this they said nothing.

Ok, second aspect is “Nature of person/Feeling related aspects in you”, so how do you feel when you see a beautiful girl or a handsome boy and you get attracted to him/her but after some time you find that his/her way of thinking is not as per your preferences? or he/she doesn’t think good about you?

It makes us feel uncomfortable. It makes us sad.

You start seeing a beast in the beauty, right?

Yes. We do not like them anymore.

Exactly.

And suppose there is a person who is not good as per your preferences of bodily aspects, but you feel comfortable with that person, that person trusts you, that person rightly evaluates you, that person feels good about you, then how do you feel?

We feel good.

Do you still care about bodily aspects?

Not really.

So, do you notice something here in this discussion?

No answer.

Which factor is dominating for attraction in us towards other person, “Body” or “Feeling related aspects/Nature of person”?

Nature of person and feeling related aspects.

OK. Right.

What it makes you feel when a handsome boy or a beautiful girl starts paying attention at you?

We feel good.

Right, you feel elevated. You feel like on 7th heaven, hurray etc. Right?

Right.

What it makes you feel when a boy gets attention from another boy and a girl gets attention from another girl?

It is not much difference.

So how come attention of a girl on a boy or attention of a boy on a girl is making a difference?

Because it is uncommon.

Right. And also when you find that the boy or a girl who has bodily aspects and nature as per your preferences, starts paying attention at you then it makes you feel really good, it makes you feel that you are good, you are important, you have something in you which is being admired and appreciated and that also from a girl or a boy, this feeling makes you feel elevated, right?

Right.

Do you all play video games?

Yes.

Did you always have video games with you?

No.

When you did not have video game with you, you used to feel that if I get it then it will change my life, right?

Right.

What about now?

Now it is not a much difference.

Right.

When you get attention of a handsome boy or a beautiful girl then it makes you feel elevated right? Even after having spent some days with him/her you feel the same feeling of elevation or it becomes normal after some time?

It becomes normal after sometime.

Then you want attention of some other handsome guy or a beautiful girl, right?

One of girls said loudly, “Right”. All of them started laughing.

So you see the pleasure of getting attention from a handsome guy or a beautiful girl which you get in the beginning doesn’t last for long. In fact if you notice this is what happening in current love marriages. Before marriage they find beauty in each other and after marriage they start seeing a beast.

They all laughed.

How do you feel when a handsome guy or a beautiful girl, who paid attention at you for a long time, stops paying attention at you suddenly?

We feel angry. We feel hurt. We want their attention back. A few of them said this. Not many had experienced this.

How do you feel when a handsome guy or a beautiful girl who paid attention at you for a long time, starts paying attention at somebody else?

“We feel jealous. We feel like killing that person”, again a few of them said.

Exactly. In fact this is what happening in all these acid attacks which we see in papers almost daily.

OK then lets come back to the list again which we made. We made two categories, “Bodily Aspects” and “Feeling related aspects”.

We saw that “Feeling related aspects” are dominating. When your feeling component is not satisfied with other person then his/her bodily aspects become secondary or meaningless.

Now in feeling aspects we have, Trust, Understanding, Right Evaluation, Care, Affection, Love etc.

By seeing this what you feel what is your basic desire?

No concrete answer.

Your basic desire from other person is “Unconditional Acceptance”. You expect other person to Trust you and to Rightly Evaluate you Unconditionally. You want them to Trust you and keep Trusting you, you want them to Rightly Evaluate you and keep Rightly Evaluating you. When you notice that a handsome guy or a beautiful girl is not trusting you or feeling bad about you, then you start seeing a beast in the beauty, right?

Right.

In this case even good bodily aspects become meaningless, right?

Right.

So ultimately you want “Acceptance + Feeling of Relationship + Continuity of these 2”, right?

Right.

But in case of this attraction are you able to ensure this continuity? You may feel elevated for some time or good for some time, but are you able to ensure continuity?

No.

But you want Trust and Right Evaluation continuously or temporarily?

Continuously.

Exactly.

Attraction makes you feel elevated for some time or good for some time, but it does not give you continuity of feeling of goodness. You expect Trust and Respect continuously. When you feel you are getting it, you feel good, but you also notice that you want it continuously. The way we are trying to ensure these things currently do not give us continuity and hence is the problem.

To solve this problem we need to understand, Relationships. Feeling of relationship is something which is your basic desire. It is there continuously in you. Think about it.

There is a lot more to discuss in this topic, but due to time constraints we will finish it here.

You can find some more about this topic here,

https://devanshmittal.wordpress.com/2009/01/15/beauty-and-the-beast/

Interaction with Students – Joy of Understanding: Part 3

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In this section we discussed about what they understand by Man Made material. Generally kids (even I when I was kid used to) feel that man made materials are available in infinite quantity. They can be consumed as much as we want and they are available in infinity. We started discussing various man made material which we see around. They listed out many. Then we discussed what various man made materials are made up of. Like bench is made up of wood and iron, bag is made up of plastic and cloth etc. After this I asked them, which materials in your opinion are purely man made? They said, Plastic, Glass, Toothpaste, Toothbrush, Chocolates etc. Here we discussed that plastic is made of chemicals which come from Petroleum, Glass is made up of Silicon etc. and all these things are limited on earth. They are not available in infinite quantity.Ultimately we finished the discussion with the conclusion that there is nothing made by man, things which are available in nature are processed by man. Things which we call man made are also available in limited quantity. They are not infinitely available.

Here we also discussed what do they mean by renewable and non-renewable resources. They said resources which can be recycled are renewable. According to them plastic is also renewable. Here I added, plastic is not renewable. It can not be converted back to the raw material with which it is prepared from. Once plastic is created it can not be digested back by the nature, it is non-biodegradable and is a waste to the nature. We throw plastic bags on streets, ponds which causes land, water pollution and when animals eat them they die because their bodies can not digest them.

After this we also discussed that there are 4 orders in nature. Material Order, Plant Order, Animal Order and Human Order. Plant Order is dependent on Material Order, Animal Order is dependent on Plant and Material Order, Human Order is dependent on Animal, Plant and Material Orders. Material, Plant and Animal Orders in nature are already maintaining balance in nature. Material Order is maximum in quantity, then Plant Order, then Material Order and then Human Order. Material, Plant and Animal Orders also maintain balance, they contribute in the cycle which is already there in nature. They do not pollute environment, they do not produce things which can not be digested by nature back. They rather live in mutually fulfilling manner. Plants take nutrients from soil, Plants also increases nutrition value of soil. Animals eat plants, they also spread seeds of plants. Animal excreta gets converted into manure in just 20 days and plants leaves take 6 months to get converted into manure. Animals release CO2 and Plants release Oxygen. These 3 orders, Material, Plants and Animals live in mutually fulfilling manner. They do not disturb cycle in nature.

Now comes the Human Order. Humans have cut the trees, killed the animals, produced various goods in such a manner that we have polluted air, water and land. We trow waste in water, land and air. We have cause hole in ozone layer, we have caused global warming. We kill each other, we cause disharmoney in the system which we have created ourselves and in the system which was already existing. So what should be done about it? In response they said, kill humans and also suggested various methods of killing. In response I asked do you do all these things when you understand the whole nature, your relationships with others or when you do not understand? When we do not understand, they said. So understanding is needed for doing right and living happily in case of humans, right? I asked. To this they all agreed. Cows, Goats, Horses do not go to school to learn how to maintain balance in nature, but humans need this education. Ultimately the conclusion came that we need to understand in order to live happily, fullfill relationships with others and rest of the nature.

After this discussion we discussed the topic “Success and Happiness” and “Difference between and Animals and Humans”. Content related to these topics can be found here,

Success and Happiness.

https://devanshmittal.wordpress.com/2008/08/26/success-has-any-destination/

Difference between Animals and Humans.

https://devanshmittal.wordpress.com/2009/05/18/ham-jaanwar-hain-ya-insaan/

https://devanshmittal.wordpress.com/2009/03/20/animal-and-human/

Interaction with Students – Joy of Understanding: Part 2

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Last few discussions were held for class 9th. There are 3 sections in class 9, A, B, C. I take 2 sessions daily of 1.5 hours each consecutively for two different sections.

In last a few discussions I discussed the issues which I mentioned in my last post and some more issues which I will mention here. Following were some questions and topics which I raised.

I started with their introduction first. I asked them to introduce themselves with their interests. They all did that. After completion of introduction I asked them,

How do you feel when you are asked to give such kind of introduction in public?

Anxious, Shy, Nervous, Afraid, Suspicious, Embarrassed, Cold and Shivering etc.

Suppose you are asked to speak something in a closed room without any other person being there, then would you mind speaking? Would you have these feelings/fears?

No.

Then I asked, why you feel those feelings while speaking in public? I took each of the above feelings one by one.

Several answers came:-

1. We feel that others will laugh at us.

2. We feel that others will crack jokes at us.

3. We feel, “what if we make any mistake while speaking”.

4. We feel how others will think of us.

Suppose you have assurance that others will not laugh at you or will not think bad about you and rather will encourage you then would you have those fears?

No.

Who is creating this environment of fear within you?

We ourselves.

Right. When you speak you feel how others will think about me and when other person speaks he feels that how you are going to think about him. Right?

Right.

So we all are afraid of each other.

So what should be done about it?

We should have self confidence that we are right.

Right, and?

We should have assurance within each other that we will encourage each other than laughing.

Right, and?

We should practice of speaking right in public.

Ok, this is also right.

So, we should have Self-Confidence that what we are speaking is right and also we should understand what is meaningful and what is superficial. Like you are afraid of what will happen if you make any grammatical mistake or use some wrong word, right? So here you should understand that making other person understand your feeling is more important than grammer and words. If you are related to other person he will not mind that. So important things are,

Self Confidence, Relationships with others and Practice.

Do you agree with this?

Yes.

Now would you laugh at each other if somebody tries to speak something?

No, we will encourage.

Great.

This school is on the main road at shaikpet. Sounds of various vehicles come inside the class. During the session I asked,

Do you hear the sound of vehicles outside?

They said, Yes.

Were you able to hear the sound 10 minutes back?

No

Why?

We were paying attention to what you were teaching us.

Do you feel those sounds were coming inside even 10 minutes before?

Yes

Then how come you did not hear them?

Because we were not concentrating on it. We were not paying attention to it.

Do you see something here ?

Some sounds without any answer.

Do we hear whatever comes to our ears?

Yes, No both the answers came.

Then how come you were not able to hear the sound which was coming from outside 10 minutes before?

We were not paying attention to it.

Exactly! So we hear what we pay attention to or we hear whatever comes to our ears?

What we pay attention to.

So who is hearing? You or your ear?

We.

Ear or “I”?

“I”.

OK, now all of you close your eyes for 5 minutes.

When they closed their eyes I drew few figures on blackboard like Triangle, Square, Tree, Man, Spiral, Circle etc.

Now when I tell you, you open your eyes just for a fraction of seconds and then close them again.

OK Open. After 1-2 Seconds. Close.

Do you remember what you saw on the blackboard?

Yes

OK Now you can open your eyes.

Then I asked each one of them what they saw. Somebody saw Tree, somebody saw circle, somebody triangle, man, spiral, somebody saw more than 1 figure etc.

Did you notice that all your saw different things?

Yes.

So how did this happen?

We paid attention to different things.

Right.

Do you think this entire scene was there in front of your eyes?

Yes.

But still you saw what you paid attention to, right?

Yes.

So who is seeing? You or your eyes?

We.

Eye or “I”?

“I”.

Exactly.

Has it ever happened with you that a person passed in front of your eyes and you did not even notice him?

Yes.

How did this happen?

We were thinking something else. We did not pay attention to him.

Right. It happens with me also a lot.

OK, can you feel your cloths? I mean can you feel the touch sensation of your cloths to your body?

Yes.

Were you able to feel it 10 minutes before?

No.

So how did this happen? Were you not wearing cloths 10 minutes before?

(Laughs) We were wearing, but we did not pay attention.

Exactly.

Has it ever happened with you that while playing something you get injured and you do not even realize it?

Yes.

How does it happen?

We are so much engrossed in playing that we do not even realize that we have been injured.

Right.

So who is feeling the pain or sensation from the body through the sense of touch? You or your skin?

We.

Skin or “I”?

“I”.

Right.

Has it ever happened with you that you are watching a movie and eating popcorn and you do not realize the taste of popcorn?

Yes, a few of them said.

Has it even happened with you that when you are having lunch or dinner with somebody and you are completely engrossed in talk then you do not realize the taste of food you are eating?

Yes, a few of them said.

So how is it happening?

We are not paying attention to it.

Exactly.

So who is feeling the taste? You or your tongue?

We are feeling through our toungue, when we pay attention to it.

Right.

Similar is the case with the sense of smell.

How many senses we have? and which are they.

5. Touch, vision, hearing, taste, smell.

Then we also identified where these senses are location in our body.

Can you tell me any such thing which you can observe or you already know but you can not see it through eyes, you can not smell it through nose, you can not taste it through tongue, you can not touch it, you can not hear it?

Some sounds with wrong answers. Somebody then said, “Our thought”.

Exactly!, I said.

Anything more?

Gravity, magnetism, electricity etc.

Right.

Then I also added, you expect your friends to Trust you and Rightly Evaluate you. You have this expectation to live with Happiness all the time. You expect to be in relationship. You can not perceive these expectations through senses but you still know them. Right?

Right.

So who is perceiving all these expectations?

“I”.

Exactly.

Interaction with Students – Joy of Understanding: Part 1

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A few days back I conducted a few sessions with 10th class students in International School Shaikhpet, Hyderabad on Understanding Ourselves, Relationships, Surroundings and Subjects. It was a nice discussion with them as well as a learning experience for me too. Now it is going to be a regular course in their school with the name “Joy of Understanding”, which I will be conducting. A few days back  sessions related to Understanding Ourselves, Family, Society and Nature, were conducted for Teachers in their school. They were conducted by Vinish Jee and Dr. Pradeep Ramanchalra. Teachers there really liked them and they also want these things to inculcate in their teaching. I had mainly conducted sessions for students. These series of posts are going to contain the content of my interactions with students.

In total I had conducted 4 sessions with 10th class students of different sections. Content of these discussions was almost the same in each section.

First I introduced themselves as their friend and not as a teacher and asked them to be as frank with me as they can be. I added that in this interaction we are trying to ponder upon some of those things which we have never paid attention to. We started the discussion with their introduction and their interests. I kept writing their interests on board. It mainly contained, sports, music, movies, games, gossiping, irritating teachers, flirting, chatting, studies, watching TV, sleeping, doing nothing, to travel etc. In the end I also added my interest as understanding relationships. Then I started putting some questions in front of them.They are as follows:-

Why are we studying?

In response they said many things, to gain bright future, to get respect, to gain knowledge, to achieve good carrier, to become a responsible citizen, to get recognition, to achieve success, to avoid scoldings of our parents, to not to be called a bad boy, to fulfill our ambitions, to fulfill ambitions of our parents, to earn money, to be independent, to go abroad etc.

I kept listing them down on board.

Then I asked them, how many of these goals are being fulfilled right now and how many of these goals will be fulfilled in future?

“Most of these goals of our study will be fulfilled in future” they said, except one or two who like studying and are studying to get knowledge. Those who like to study I asked them if they like to study all subjects or some? They said only a few subjects we like.

When these goals will be fulfilled in future then do we really enjoy the journey to achieve these goals? Do we really enjoy the studying?

They said NO. They have to mug a lot. They do not enjoy studying.

I asked, suppose you are assured of getting money and recognition you want then would you like to study? They said No.

Suppose you are paid to study then, would you like to study?

We would like to be paid but not like studies but yes we will study to get paid.

There are I added, when our goals are something which will be fulfilled in future then we do not enjoy the journey in achieving the goals. Our attention remains always on the goal and in this process if we find shortcuts or even wrong means to achieve the goals then we are ready to use them.

Suppose you are said that if you go to school then you will be allowed to play video game after coming back for 2 hours then do you really enjoy the study or your attention is always on the things like “After going back I will play this game”, “Yesterday I crossed till this stage, today I will cross even this”, “Yesterday I did that mistake today I will not do that” etc.?

Yes, our attention is always on the game and we will come to school to pass the time.

Here I added, this is what is happening when we set goals of our study like money, recognition, going abroad etc.

Do you want fun, enjoyment, happiness all the time or only momentarily?

All the time.

When you are playing video game you are happy and when you are at school you are unhappy then what should we do to be happy all the time? Since we now know that happiness is something which we need continuously.

They had no answers. A few of them said we should be allowed to play video games all the time. They all laughed.

Can you play even video game all the time? No, they said.

OK, which subjects do you all like?

Physics was the one which most of them like. They also said, Maths, Chemistry etc.

Which are the subjects which you hate?

Computer Science was the most hated subject.

Why do you like Physics?

Because teacher teaches it very well.

If the same teacher teaches you Computer Science then would you start like it?

No.

Then is it only the teacher who is making the subject interesting?

We are also able to relate what we are studying in Physics with our environment. A few of them said.

Exactly!! I said. When we are able to relate something with our environment, ourselves or anything which we see around, when we are able to verify things on our own right then we enjoy the subject automatically. In this case when we are able to verify things on our own right then we need not to mug them also. We understand them and it becomes part of our being.

I took an example. I dropped the duster from a height and it fell down. “An object when released from a height falls down”, do you see this?

Yes.

Now do you need to verify this for every duster, or every stone, or  every object? Or you can generalize it for every object?

We can generalize it.

Do you need to mug it? Will you ever forget it?

No we need not to mug it and we will not forget it.

This is what is Understanding. Verification on our own right. When we understand the law then we can generalize it for everything. When we understand then we need not to mug. When we understand then we do not forget. It becomes part of our being. Mugged thing is like a load on ourselves. We need to carry it till the exams and after exams we again forget it. Isn’t it the case that we forget the things which we mug and we need to mug them again and again and it is a load on ourselves?

Yes it is. We forget things which we mug.

So what is easy understanding or mugging?

Understanding.

What we spend our most the time on, understanding or mugging?

Mugging.

And what do we enjoy, Understanding and Verification on our own right or Mugging?

Understanding.

So what should be done about it?

We should start understanding.

I added, believe me understanding ourselves, environment and things around is really a fun. You have not tasted the taste of it. Just taste it and you will start enjoying the journey and will not give primary importance to the destination.

So what is the conclusion of this?

Understanding is easier than Mugging.We should start understanding and verifying things in our surroundings.

Great!

One more topic I wanted to discuss with you. It is on Relationships.

With whom you share your secrets? Parents or Friends?

Friends.

Why so?

Because with friends we have assurance that they will not leak our secrets, they will not think bad about us, they are like us, we can trust our friends more in our secrets, we feel that they understand us more than our parents.

I added, you feel that if you share them with your parents then you will be scolded, you will be wrongly evaluated, you will loose your parent’s trust, they will think that you are going into a wrong direction. But in case of your friends you have assurance that they will not think bad about you, they will keep their trust on you, they will keep on rightly evaluating you, right?

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssss.

So what is your basic desire in any relationship?

Other person should Trust us, other person should understand us, we should have good intimacy etc.

I added, you expect other person to be trustworthy, you expect other person to rightly evaluate you always, you expect other person to be understanding and should understand you and you also want assurance that other person should keep on trusting you and rightly evaluating you in future also. When you see that these expectations are being fulfilled with any person then you feel happy with that person, you feel liberated with that person, you feel that you can say anything, do anything, without any constraints, without thinking twice, without any suffocation. Right?

Yeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssss.

So you expect other person to Trust you and he should be Trustworthy and he should Rightly Evaluate you, right?

Yes.

Are you able to Trust others always? Are you able to Rightly Evaluate others always?

No.

But when other person mistrusts you or wrongly evaluates you, you get angry?

Yes.

So what is happening? What is the feeling inside?

Some sounds without any concrete answer.

Do you feel comfortable when you are being mistrusted or say wrongly evaluated by your friends?

No.

What is your expectation with other person when you are being mistrusted or wrongly evaluated?

To make other person understand that I am not wrong.

Exactly!!!

We want other person to understand us, trust us and rightly evaluate us but we ourselves lack the understanding, capability to trust and rightly evaluate, right?

Yes.

So what is our root expectation in any relationship?

Trust and Right Evaluation by other person.

You want Trust and Right Evaluation continuously or momentarily?

Continuously.

So what should be done to improve relationships with others?

We should talk to them, should try to resolve misconceptions and confusions in any come into relationships.

Exactly. Start communicating with your friends, parents and try to understand why you are not able to trust a few people are why are you able trust others. What is there in those whom you are able to trust and what is there in those whom you are not able to trust, what is your root expectation in any relationship and what do you want.

Try to pay attention to these things. What we discussed just now is not any guideline, dos and don’ts. They are just some pointers on which you can pay attention to. If you pay attention by yourself then you will understand. I am not a teacher, I am just a facilitator to draw your attention towards these things. I am your friend.

What do you think will happen to your relationships with your parents if you do not communicate with them?

They will not come to know about us and we will not come to know about them and distances in relationships will increase.

Right. So start communicating. If you have fears start with small things and then slowly move towards discussing your secrets. But start communicating.

When you are in relationship you feel happy or when you are in opposition?

Relationship.

Yes. Relationship is the basic desire of a human being. Think on them and try to identify what is your basic desire. When relationships are good we feel liberated, when they are not good we feel suffocated. Right?

Yes.

So start communicating and try to understand that other person is also like you then you will begin to see that your level of trust on other person is increasing. Your comfort level within yourself is increasing.

We also had a discussion on what is success? whether success has any destination? happiness is success or success is a means to  happiness?

In this mainly we discussed that we keep chasing success in our entire life. By the time we become successful our definitions of success are changed and we are still running. For happiness we want success, we are unhappy in the process of achieving it,  in our entire lifetime we keep chasing it and ultimately die unsuccessful.

These were some main things discussed. More will come in upcoming discussions.

विश्वास करना सीखें

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हर व्यक्ति दूसरों से विश्वास की अपेक्षा रखता है पर उसमें खुद में विश्वास कर पाने की समझ/योग्यता नहीं रहती| विश्वास कर पाने की योग्यता ही एक व्यक्ति के व्यक्तित्व की सुन्दरता है तथा परस्परता में अभय का आधार है| दुर्भाग्यवश हमें बचपन से ही अविश्वास करना ही सिखाया जाता है|

अगर हम एक बहुत छोटे बच्चे के आचरण को देखें तो यह देखने में आता है कि वह अपने आस पास के लोगों पर पूरी तरह से विश्वास करता है, निरपेक्ष विश्वास करता है| वह यह माना रहता है कि उसके आस पास के लोग जो बोल रहे हैं जो कर रहे हैं वह पूरी तरह से सही है, इसीलिए वह उनका अनुकरण करने को तैयार रहता है| वह अपने आस पास के लोगों के प्रति पूरी तरह से समर्पित रहता है| उनको निरपेक्ष रूप से स्वीकारे रहता है| उसकी अपने आस पास के लोगों के प्रति स्वीकृति बिना किसी शर्त के बनी रहती है| वह अगर दूसरे व्यक्ति के साथ ऐसा कुछ आचरण भी करे जो कि प्रचलित मान्यताओं में अच्छा नहीं माना जाता तो भी उसे कुछ फरक नहीं पड़ता क्युकी वह अभी प्रचलित मान्यताओं से अनभिज्ञ है| उसे इस बात का फरक नहीं पड़ता कि दूसरा व्यक्ति उसके बारे में क्या सोच रहा है, उसे इस बात का भी फरक नहीं पड़ता कि दूसरा व्यक्ति उसके बारे में कैसी धारणा बनाये हुए है या वह व्यक्ति उसका हितैषी भी या नहीं| हर व्यक्ति को वह स्वीकारे रहता है|

साथ ही साथ वह बच्चा अपने वातावरण की प्रचलित मान्यताओं को भी सीखने लगता है| क्यूंकि यह बच्चा अपने आस पास के लोगों पर निरपेक्ष विश्वास करता है इसलिए वह उनकी हर बात को बिना जांचे स्वीकार कर लेता है| ये अच्छा है ये बुरा है, ऐसा करना अच्छा है, ऐसा करना बुरा है, इस तरह का आदमी अच्छा है, उस तरह का आदमी बुरा है, ऐसा दिखना अच्छा है, वैसा दिखना बुरा है, इस तरह बात करना अच्छा है, उस तरह बात करना बुरा है इत्यादि| इस तरह की कई सारी मान्यताएं वो अपने अन्दर भर लेता है, कई सारे पैटर्न सीख लेता है| यहाँ से उसकी सरलता खोना चालू कर देती है| अब वह दूसरों को निरपेक्ष रूप से नहीं स्वीकारता, अब वह उनको इन मान्यताओं के आधार पर स्वीकारता है| अगर उसे दूसरा व्यक्ति उसकी मान्यताओं की अनुरूपता में अच्छा महसूस होता है तो वह उसे स्वीकारता है अन्यथा नहीं स्वीकारता| अगर दूसरा व्यक्ति उसको उसकी अच्छी मान्यताओं की अनुरूपता में नहीं देखता तो वह परेशान हो जाता है और अगर वह खुद कुछ ऐसा कर बैठे जो प्रचलित मान्यताओं में अच्छा नहीं माना जाता तो वह निराश हो जाता है, डिप्रेशन में आ जाता है| उसने जो अपने वातावरण, शिक्षा तथा अनुभवों से सीखा होता है उसी के आधार पर वह अपने आप को तथा बाकी पूरी दुनिया को देखता है| उतनी ही उसकी दृष्टि बनी रहती है|

बचपन से ही बच्चों को अपने पराये का भेद करना सिखाया जाता है| दूसरे लोगों को अस्वीकार करने, अविश्वास करने तथा भेद के आधार पर सम्मान करना सिखाया जाता है| हमारे माता पिता बचपन से यही सिखाते हैं हमारा धर्म हिन्दू है उसका धर्म मुस्लिम है, सफ़ेद चमड़ी का व्यक्ति ज्यादा सुन्दर है, अच्छे अंक लाने वाला बच्चा ज्यादा समझदार है, अच्छे कपडे पहनने वाला बच्चा ज्यादा अच्छा है, ये हमारे देश का है, ऐसा विचार सुन्दर विचार है, वैसा विचार बेकार है, ऐसा होना अच्छा है, वैसा होना गन्दा है, ज्यादा पैसा होना अच्छा है आदि| हमारे माता पिता अभिभावक आदि के आचरण से भी हमें यही सीखने को मिलता है कि अपने पराये का भेद करो| देखने में आता ही है किस तरह कि चीज़ों के लिए वे हमें टोकते हैं “उसके साथ मत खेलो”, “उससे बात मत करो”, “कैसा दीखता है वो”, “उनका लड़का तो बहुत ही सुन्दर है”, “उसके कभी अच्छे नंबर नहीं आते”, “उस मोहल्ले में तो बहुत सारे मुस्लिम रहते हैं”, “उनके विचार अच्छे नहीं हैं”, “वो तो ऐसा सोचते हैं”, “वो कितने अच्छे कपडे पहनते हैं” आदि| इन सब तरह कि चीज़ों से एक बच्चे कि मानसिकता में यही बैठ जाता है कि इस तरह से जीना अच्छा है, उस तरह से जीना अच्छा नहीं है| ये अच्छे बुरे की मान्यताएं ही उस बच्चे के उसके खुद के प्रति तथा बाकी दुनिया के प्रति नज़रिए का निर्धारण करती है| अगर हम आज की दुनिया में देखें तो जो जितनी ज्यादा मान्यताएं अपने साथ उठाए रहता है वह उतना प्रेक्टिकल माना जा रहा है| वही दुनियादारी की कला में पारंगत माना जा रहा है| जिसमें जितनी अपने पराये का भेद करने की योग्यता है, जिसमें जितनी दूसरों को अस्वीकार कर देने की योग्यता है वह उतना ही काबिल माना जा रहा है और वह इसी बात का प्रचार प्रसार करने में भी लगा है कि किसी पर विश्वास मत करो|

यहाँ पर एक चीज़ और भी होती है, वो लोग भी जो यह कहते हैं कि किसी पर विश्वास मत करो, उनकी भी यह अपेक्षा बनी रहती है कि उन पर विश्वास किया जाए| बल्कि अगर हम ध्यान से देखें तो यह देखने में आता ही है कि हर व्यक्ति अपने आस पास के लोगों से निरपेक्ष विश्वास तथा सम्मान कि चाहना रखता है| हर व्यक्ति चाहता है कि उसके आस पास के लोग उस पास विश्वास करें, उसका सही मूल्यांकन करें और किये ही रहे|  जिस व्यक्ति की जिस तरह की मान्यताएं रहती हैं वह व्यक्ति उसी तरह से विश्वास तथा सम्मान का अनुभव करता है| जैसे अगर मैं अपने आप को ज्ञानी मानता हूँ तो मेरी अपने आस पास के लोगों से अपेक्षा रहती है कि वे मुझे ज्ञानी ही समझें| जो लोग मुझे ज्ञानी की तरह देखते हैं उनके साथ मैं आराम महसूस करता हूँ परस्परता में विश्वास का तथा सम्मान का अनुभव करता हूँ और जो लोग नहीं समझते उनके साथ उतना आराम महसूस नहीं करता| यहाँ पर मूल मुद्दा तो यही है विश्वास तथा सम्मान की चाहना एक व्यक्ति मैं नित्य ही बनी रहती है| ऐसा एक भी पल नहीं जब व्यक्ति विश्वास तथा सम्मान नहीं चाहता|

अगर हम ध्यान से देखें तो यही देखने में आता है कि हर व्यक्ति विश्वास तथा सम्मान की अपेक्षा तो रखता है परन्तु विश्वास कर पाने तथा सम्मान कर पाने की योग्यता उसमें नहीं रहती| जिसके ही कारण दूसरे व्यक्ति के साथ अपने पराये का भेद उसमें बना ही रहता है| जिस तरह से वह विश्वास का अनुभव करता है अगर दूसरा व्यक्ति उसे उसी तरह से विश्वास का अनुभव नहीं करा पाता तो वह दूसरे व्यक्ति को एक विरोधी की तरह देखने लग जाता है और यहीं से हिंसा कि शुरुआत होती है| जैसे अगर में स्वयं को सुन्दर मानता हूँ और इसके आधार पर अपनी पहचान बनाता हूँ तो मेरी अपेक्षा दूसरों से यह रहती है कि वे भी मुझे सुन्दर मानें| जो लोग मुझे सुन्दर मानते हैं वे मुझे अच्छे लगते हैं, जो नहीं मानते वो बुरे लगते हैं और उनके प्रति विरोध का भावः मेरे मन में आने लगता है| अगर मेरे आस पास में दूसरा कोई व्यक्ति जो मुझसे भी सुन्दर हो वो आ जाए तो मुझमें हीन भावना पनपने लगती है तथा उस दूसरे व्यक्ति को मैं अपने प्रतियोगी कि तरह देखने लगता हूँ| यहीं से मूल आतंरिक हिंसा कि शुरुआत होती है जो कि बाद मैं बाहरी हिंसा के रूप मैं अपने आप को परिलक्षित करती है|

हमारे संबंधों मैं यही होता है| जिस व्यक्ति के साथ हम विश्वास तथा सम्मान का अनुभव करते हैं वह हमें ज्यादा प्रिय हो जाता है और जिसके साथ नहीं करते वो कम प्रिय| पर यह तो देखने में आता ही है कि जिस व्यक्ति के साथ हमें विश्वास तथा सम्मान का अनुभव होता है वह भले ही शारीरिक रूप से सुन्दर ना हो तो भी हमें उसमें काफी सुन्दरता नज़र आती है| यही है उस व्यक्ति के व्यक्तित्व की सुन्दरता| जिस व्यक्ति के साथ हमें विश्वास तथा सम्मान का अनुभव नहीं होता वह व्यक्ति भले ही शारीरिक रूप से बहुत ही सुन्दर हो पर हमें तब भी उसमें सुन्दरता नज़र नहीं आती| यहाँ पर यही देखने में आता है कि सुन्दरता के प्रति हमारे नज़रिए में हमारी इस विश्वास तथा सम्मान की चाहना का अत्यधिक हस्तक्षेप रहता है|

यहाँ पर यही निकल कर आता है कि हर व्यक्ति में विश्वास तथा सम्मान की अपेक्षा तो नित्य ही बनी रहती है पर उसमें विश्वास तथा सम्मान कर पाने कि योग्यता नहीं रहती| इसका कारण यही है कि विश्वास क्या है, सम्मान क्या है इंसान को इसकी समझ नहीं रहती| विश्वास तथा सम्मान की इस अपेक्षा के तहत काम करते हुए वह लोगों को प्रिय तथा अप्रिय तो मान लेता है पर उसे इस बात का अंदाजा नहीं रहता की ऐसा क्यूँ हो रहा है| एक और महत्त्वपूर्ण चीज़ जो देखने में आती है वह है कि हमारी प्रचलित विश्वास तथा सम्मान कि समझ के अनुसार हमारी दूसरे व्यक्ति के प्रति स्वीकृति में निरंतरता नहीं बनी रहती| जो व्यक्ति मुझे आज अच्छा लग रहा है, जरूरी नहीं रहता कि वह मुझे कल भी अच्छा लगे| इसके कारण हमारी खुद की स्वीकृति दूसरे व्यक्ति के प्रति तथा दूसरे व्यक्ति की स्वीकृति हमारे प्रति निरंतर नहीं बनी रहती| जिस व्यक्ति के साथ हमें काफी समय तक अच्छा लगा हो, जिसके साथ हमनें काफी समय तक विश्वास तथा सम्मान का अनुभव किया हो उस व्यक्ति से हमारी आसक्ति बहुत ही बढ जाती है और अगर उस व्यक्ति से हमें किसी कारणवश विश्वास तथा सम्मान की अनुभूति में अस्थिरता नज़र आये तो वह हमें बहुत ही परेशान कर देती है| ऐसा ही हम खुद भी दूसरों के साथ अनजाने में करते रहते हैं| इसके कारण परस्पर विश्वास नहीं बन पाता, परस्परता में अभय सुनिश्चित नहीं हो पाता तथा संबंधों में खींचा तानी चलती रहती है| हम खुद भी दुखी होते रहते हैं और दूसरे व्यक्ति को भी दुखी करते रहते हैं|

अगर हम ध्यान से देखें तो हमने बचपन से जो मान्यताएं इकट्ठी कर रखी होती हैं वे मान्यताएं ही हमारे स्वयं के प्रति भावः तथा हमारे दूसरों के प्रति भावः में अस्थिरता लाती रहती हैं| यही हमारे दुखों का कारण बनती है, यही हम में विरोध, प्रतिस्पर्धा, महत्वाकांक्षा, इर्ष्या, घृणा आदि दुखकारी भावों को जन्म देती है| यहाँ तक यह तो देखने में आता है की यह सब हो रहा है पर यह सब क्यों हो रहा है? और इसे ख़तम करने के लिए हमें क्या करना होगा?

मनुष्य में अस्तित्व में अपने महत्व को जानने की आशा नित्य ही बनी रहती है| हर मनुष्य अपने बारे में क्या, क्यों और कैसे जानना चाहता है| स्वयं में स्वयं के इस ज्ञान के आभाव में वह अपने महत्व को, मूल्य को सापेक्षता में, दूसरे लोगों के नज़रिए के आधार पर तथा प्रचलित मान्यताओं के आधार पर पहचानता है| जैसे ही वह ऐसा करता है वह स्वयं को बाकी लोगों से अलग मानने लगता है, अपने पराये का भेद उसमें शुरू हो जाता है| जो लोग उसको उसी आधार पर महत्त्वपूर्ण महसूस कराते हैं जिस आधार पर वह स्वयं को महत्त्वपूर्ण महसूस करता है वे उसे प्रिय हो जाते हैं तथा वह उन पर विश्वास कर पाता है तथा स्वयं में सम्मान का अनुभव करता है, तथा जो लोग उसे नहीं करा पाते वे उसे अप्रिय हो जाते हैं, वह उन पर विश्वास नहीं कर पाता, उनके साथ में सम्मान महसूस नहीं कर पाता, विरोध का भावः उनके लिए उसके मन में आ जाता है| यहीं से हिंसा की शुरुआत होती है|

स्वयं में स्वयं के महत्व को पहचानने के लिए मनुष्य को ज्ञान चाहिए| ज्ञान का अर्थ है स्वयं में स्वयं, अस्तित्व तथा अस्तित्व में स्वयं की भागीदारी का ज्ञान|