This post is going to contain content of my remaining interactions.
For one of the sessions teachers in this school requested me to talk to students on teasing, taunting, domination etc. This session was conducted for 9th class students. They tease each other, taunt each other, make fun of each other, try to dominate each other.
We started the discussion. I asked them, “Do you tease each other?”
They said, “Yes”, with proud.
What it makes you feel when you tease each other?
They said many things like, Superiority, Fun, I am great, To push down other person, To pull the leg, To get noticed in people around, To make other person feel inferior, To feel good, To make other person feel that I am better than him etc.
OK, what is the motivation for you to do all this?
They probably did not understand the question rightly so I gave them one example “You want other person to look up at you”.
They said, “Yes”.
So, what other motivations are there for you to tease each other?
They said many things, Happiness, Respect, Recognition, Superiority, Craver to be looked up, Domination etc,
What it makes you feel when you are being teased?
If we feel other person is doing it out of fun then we also enjoy it, but if we feel that other person is doing it with the intention of looking down at us or hurt us then we feel angry, we feel uncomfortable etc.
Right.
OK, lets consider the second part of it when you feel that you are being looked upon down by other person, how do you feel?
We feel hurt.
What do you want to do then?
We want to take revenge and hurt other person.
Why?
To make him realize that I am not what he feels I am.
Right.
Suppose you make him realize that you are more than what he is considering you, then what?
I feel comfortable then.
And now if some other person looks down at you then you again start feeling uncomfortable, right?
Right.
So what is your basic desire in all this?
No concrete answer.
You want other person to Rightly Evaluate you.
When you feel that you are being under-evaluated like “You do not know anything” then how do you feel?
We feel uncomfortable.
When you feel that you are being over-evaluated like “You are absolute genius”, then how do you feel?
We feel good but we also know that this is not the case so we feel that other person is either making fun of us or he is considering me more than what I am.
You feel uncomfortable even in this, right?
Right.
So what is your basic desire?
To be rightly evaluated.
Exactly.
You want other person to rightly evaluate you. When you are being Rightly Evaluated then you feel happy, when you are not then you feel unhappy. This is what is respect.
When you feel that you are or will be looked upon down by other person then you want to dominate other person with the expectation that if I push him down then he will start looking up at me, but domination is not naturally acceptable to anybody.
How do you feel when you are being dominated?
We feel uncomfortable, angry, suffocated.
You look up at the person who is trying to dominate you or you feel bad about that person?
We feel bad about that person.
But you try to dominate with the expectation that other person will start looking up at you or you will feel superior, right?
Right.
So to seek acceptance of other person you try to dominate right?
Right.
Exactly. In fact if you notice then you want “Unconditional Acceptance” from other person. You want other person to Trust you and to Rightly Evaluate you all the time, independent of what you are doing, thinking, behaving. When other person is behaving as per your expectations and preferences then you feel good otherwise you feel bad, right?
Right.
You want other person to rightly evaluate you but are you able to evaluate other person rightly always?
No.
You want acceptance without any condition, independent of what you are doing thinking, behaving etc. but do you accept other person unconditionally or conditionally?
Conditionally.
What all are those conditions?
They did not understand the question rightly so I gave them an example, “Whom would you able to accept easily and comfortably, a white colored person or a black colored person”?
White colored person.
Right. This is what a condition.
We accept others on the basis of several conditions but want to be accepted unconditionally.
So can you tell me what other things/conditions are there in your acceptance towards other person?
They said things like, Gender, Physique, Intelligence, Way of thinking, Rank, Charm, Ada, Feeling towards us etc.
Right.
So try to identify your basic desire. Your basic desire is for Unconditional Acceptance. You want other person to Trust you and Rightly Evaluate you Unconditionally. Do not assume this thing to be true just because I am saying this, verify it on your own right.
once you start recognizing this expectation of Unconditional Acceptance then we can talk about how to fulfill this after that.
We discussed on several more topics in between the classes like,
1. Value and Price: Value of a thing is fixed in nature but price is created by a man and it keeps changing with time, space and individual. Like wheat, value of wheat is to nurture human body. It remains like this. It never changes with time, space and individual. But price of wheat keeps changing with time, space and individual like price of wheat in India is different and America is different. Price of wheat 10 years before was something else than what it is now.
2. Rich, poor and prosperous: Content of this can be seen on below link.
http://devanshmittal.wordpress.com/2009/04/12/rich-poor-and-prosperous/
I did not discuss the content of this entirely, but some part of it.
3. Difference between, Material, Plants, Animals and Humans.
