Interaction with Students – Joy of Understanding: Part 1

A few days back I conducted a few sessions with 10th class students in International School Shaikhpet, Hyderabad on Understanding Ourselves, Relationships, Surroundings and Subjects. It was a nice discussion with them as well as a learning experience for me too. Now it is going to be a regular course in their school with the name “Joy of Understanding”, which I will be conducting. A few days back  sessions related to Understanding Ourselves, Family, Society and Nature, were conducted for Teachers in their school. They were conducted by Vinish Jee and Dr. Pradeep Ramanchalra. Teachers there really liked them and they also want these things to inculcate in their teaching. I had mainly conducted sessions for students. These series of posts are going to contain the content of my interactions with students.

In total I had conducted 4 sessions with 10th class students of different sections. Content of these discussions was almost the same in each section.

First I introduced themselves as their friend and not as a teacher and asked them to be as frank with me as they can be. I added that in this interaction we are trying to ponder upon some of those things which we have never paid attention to. We started the discussion with their introduction and their interests. I kept writing their interests on board. It mainly contained, sports, music, movies, games, gossiping, irritating teachers, flirting, chatting, studies, watching TV, sleeping, doing nothing, to travel etc. In the end I also added my interest as understanding relationships. Then I started putting some questions in front of them.They are as follows:-

Why are we studying?

In response they said many things, to gain bright future, to get respect, to gain knowledge, to achieve good carrier, to become a responsible citizen, to get recognition, to achieve success, to avoid scoldings of our parents, to not to be called a bad boy, to fulfill our ambitions, to fulfill ambitions of our parents, to earn money, to be independent, to go abroad etc.

I kept listing them down on board.

Then I asked them, how many of these goals are being fulfilled right now and how many of these goals will be fulfilled in future?

“Most of these goals of our study will be fulfilled in future” they said, except one or two who like studying and are studying to get knowledge. Those who like to study I asked them if they like to study all subjects or some? They said only a few subjects we like.

When these goals will be fulfilled in future then do we really enjoy the journey to achieve these goals? Do we really enjoy the studying?

They said NO. They have to mug a lot. They do not enjoy studying.

I asked, suppose you are assured of getting money and recognition you want then would you like to study? They said No.

Suppose you are paid to study then, would you like to study?

We would like to be paid but not like studies but yes we will study to get paid.

There are I added, when our goals are something which will be fulfilled in future then we do not enjoy the journey in achieving the goals. Our attention remains always on the goal and in this process if we find shortcuts or even wrong means to achieve the goals then we are ready to use them.

Suppose you are said that if you go to school then you will be allowed to play video game after coming back for 2 hours then do you really enjoy the study or your attention is always on the things like “After going back I will play this game”, “Yesterday I crossed till this stage, today I will cross even this”, “Yesterday I did that mistake today I will not do that” etc.?

Yes, our attention is always on the game and we will come to school to pass the time.

Here I added, this is what is happening when we set goals of our study like money, recognition, going abroad etc.

Do you want fun, enjoyment, happiness all the time or only momentarily?

All the time.

When you are playing video game you are happy and when you are at school you are unhappy then what should we do to be happy all the time? Since we now know that happiness is something which we need continuously.

They had no answers. A few of them said we should be allowed to play video games all the time. They all laughed.

Can you play even video game all the time? No, they said.

OK, which subjects do you all like?

Physics was the one which most of them like. They also said, Maths, Chemistry etc.

Which are the subjects which you hate?

Computer Science was the most hated subject.

Why do you like Physics?

Because teacher teaches it very well.

If the same teacher teaches you Computer Science then would you start like it?

No.

Then is it only the teacher who is making the subject interesting?

We are also able to relate what we are studying in Physics with our environment. A few of them said.

Exactly!! I said. When we are able to relate something with our environment, ourselves or anything which we see around, when we are able to verify things on our own right then we enjoy the subject automatically. In this case when we are able to verify things on our own right then we need not to mug them also. We understand them and it becomes part of our being.

I took an example. I dropped the duster from a height and it fell down. “An object when released from a height falls down”, do you see this?

Yes.

Now do you need to verify this for every duster, or every stone, or  every object? Or you can generalize it for every object?

We can generalize it.

Do you need to mug it? Will you ever forget it?

No we need not to mug it and we will not forget it.

This is what is Understanding. Verification on our own right. When we understand the law then we can generalize it for everything. When we understand then we need not to mug. When we understand then we do not forget. It becomes part of our being. Mugged thing is like a load on ourselves. We need to carry it till the exams and after exams we again forget it. Isn’t it the case that we forget the things which we mug and we need to mug them again and again and it is a load on ourselves?

Yes it is. We forget things which we mug.

So what is easy understanding or mugging?

Understanding.

What we spend our most the time on, understanding or mugging?

Mugging.

And what do we enjoy, Understanding and Verification on our own right or Mugging?

Understanding.

So what should be done about it?

We should start understanding.

I added, believe me understanding ourselves, environment and things around is really a fun. You have not tasted the taste of it. Just taste it and you will start enjoying the journey and will not give primary importance to the destination.

So what is the conclusion of this?

Understanding is easier than Mugging.We should start understanding and verifying things in our surroundings.

Great!

One more topic I wanted to discuss with you. It is on Relationships.

With whom you share your secrets? Parents or Friends?

Friends.

Why so?

Because with friends we have assurance that they will not leak our secrets, they will not think bad about us, they are like us, we can trust our friends more in our secrets, we feel that they understand us more than our parents.

I added, you feel that if you share them with your parents then you will be scolded, you will be wrongly evaluated, you will loose your parent’s trust, they will think that you are going into a wrong direction. But in case of your friends you have assurance that they will not think bad about you, they will keep their trust on you, they will keep on rightly evaluating you, right?

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssss.

So what is your basic desire in any relationship?

Other person should Trust us, other person should understand us, we should have good intimacy etc.

I added, you expect other person to be trustworthy, you expect other person to rightly evaluate you always, you expect other person to be understanding and should understand you and you also want assurance that other person should keep on trusting you and rightly evaluating you in future also. When you see that these expectations are being fulfilled with any person then you feel happy with that person, you feel liberated with that person, you feel that you can say anything, do anything, without any constraints, without thinking twice, without any suffocation. Right?

Yeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssss.

So you expect other person to Trust you and he should be Trustworthy and he should Rightly Evaluate you, right?

Yes.

Are you able to Trust others always? Are you able to Rightly Evaluate others always?

No.

But when other person mistrusts you or wrongly evaluates you, you get angry?

Yes.

So what is happening? What is the feeling inside?

Some sounds without any concrete answer.

Do you feel comfortable when you are being mistrusted or say wrongly evaluated by your friends?

No.

What is your expectation with other person when you are being mistrusted or wrongly evaluated?

To make other person understand that I am not wrong.

Exactly!!!

We want other person to understand us, trust us and rightly evaluate us but we ourselves lack the understanding, capability to trust and rightly evaluate, right?

Yes.

So what is our root expectation in any relationship?

Trust and Right Evaluation by other person.

You want Trust and Right Evaluation continuously or momentarily?

Continuously.

So what should be done to improve relationships with others?

We should talk to them, should try to resolve misconceptions and confusions in any come into relationships.

Exactly. Start communicating with your friends, parents and try to understand why you are not able to trust a few people are why are you able trust others. What is there in those whom you are able to trust and what is there in those whom you are not able to trust, what is your root expectation in any relationship and what do you want.

Try to pay attention to these things. What we discussed just now is not any guideline, dos and don’ts. They are just some pointers on which you can pay attention to. If you pay attention by yourself then you will understand. I am not a teacher, I am just a facilitator to draw your attention towards these things. I am your friend.

What do you think will happen to your relationships with your parents if you do not communicate with them?

They will not come to know about us and we will not come to know about them and distances in relationships will increase.

Right. So start communicating. If you have fears start with small things and then slowly move towards discussing your secrets. But start communicating.

When you are in relationship you feel happy or when you are in opposition?

Relationship.

Yes. Relationship is the basic desire of a human being. Think on them and try to identify what is your basic desire. When relationships are good we feel liberated, when they are not good we feel suffocated. Right?

Yes.

So start communicating and try to understand that other person is also like you then you will begin to see that your level of trust on other person is increasing. Your comfort level within yourself is increasing.

We also had a discussion on what is success? whether success has any destination? happiness is success or success is a means to  happiness?

In this mainly we discussed that we keep chasing success in our entire life. By the time we become successful our definitions of success are changed and we are still running. For happiness we want success, we are unhappy in the process of achieving it,  in our entire lifetime we keep chasing it and ultimately die unsuccessful.

These were some main things discussed. More will come in upcoming discussions.